What is Life Coaching?

The Coaching Corner

- Mary Mantei, OTO Coach

The scenario: You are socializing with a group of people, several of whom you do not know. Inevitably, the standard question is asked, “So, what do you do for a living?” The easiest time in my life to answer this query was when I was teaching middle school students. Most people understand teaching and most are amazed that anyone would choose to teach kids this age, and from all appearances, love it! Which I did. These days, the answer to the same question, elicits everything from strange looks to a high level of interest. With good reason. I now spend my days coaching individuals who have sought the assistance of a life coach, a relatively new career in the wide array of helping professions.

So, for those of you interested in knowing more about life coaching, let me stretch my verbal business card a bit. Coaching is a collaborative, confidential partnership whereby the coach assists the client in figuring out what they want in all areas of their life and works with them to create multiple action plans to achieve those desires. Initially, people often seek a coach around one area of their lives where they feel stuck or challenged and have not been able to move themselves forward. Common examples would be job-related frustrations, desiring improved health and vitality, money management issues, seeking more adventure, fun, or balance in their lives. Many people work with a coach to navigate huge life changes effectively such as creating their own business, moving from being part of a couple to being single, or retirement.

A coach will use a variety of tools and strategies to guide their client to get clear about where they are currently in life and where they want to be. One tool that a skilled coach will use consistently is listening. Listening to you without making assumptions, rather taking you at your word and asking questions to clarify what they might not yet understand. Listening to you without judgment, rather holding the space for you to be your authentic self as a way of seeing a situation for what it is. Listening without giving advice, rather as a way to aid a person to get increasingly clear through feedback around what they want. Given the world we live in, this type of listening is a precious practice and a rare gift. Some folks will say, “Well, I have lots of friends who do that for me,” or “My sisters are always there to listen to what I want.” I say, “Great!” And yet, my experience is that those who know and love us dearly often have an agenda when they listen to us. And that agenda often has something to do with how they view the world or how they would like us to be and is often delivered to us in the form of advice. In a coaching relationship, the agenda belongs to the client. The only agenda item the coach holds is seeing their clients get exactly what THEY want in life.

Once a client is clear about the direction they want to pursue, the coach assists the client in developing multiple action plans to get where they want to go. Adding details to the client’s plans gives them a roadmap to their desired destination. Too often, when we have a goal we want to reach, we rely on one road to get us there. If we get detoured and find ourselves moving away from our goals, discouragement and resignation may stop us from continuing on and achieving what we want. Having multiple ideas to try gives us other options that may work more effectively for us. And your coach is there to support you and celebrate with you throughout the process.

Coaching is not about “fixing” people, rather it is about helping people who are in good shape create an even richer, more wonderful life. Consider the Olympic athlete who seeks out a coach. These athletes appear to us to be as fine-tuned as they come, and yet, they pursue the assistance of a coach to finesse the abilities and assets they currently possess. Similarly, I see my clients as capable, creative, brilliant human beings who desire to create an even higher quality of life. I assist them in using their skills, knowledge, and heart to gain clarity around their desires, generate new ideas for achieving those desires and create multiple action plans to go after those desires.

Most life coaching sessions take place on the phone, allowing people to be coached from anywhere in the world. A typical session lasts 30 – 60 minutes, once or twice a week, usually totaling around four hours per month. At times, clients may meet with their coach face-to-face for half day or full day planning sessions. Sometimes, clients will check-in with a quick email to celebrate any number of things or the coach may email a client with a word of support between calls. It is a flexible process and is determined by the client and coach together.

Dave Ellis, my friend and teacher, asserts that life coaching is “more than a set of techniques, it is a form of relationship that is both confidential and life-changing.” I have both witnessed and experienced how the coaching relationship can move people quickly from problems to solutions, from insights to action, from the status quo to completely new outcomes in their lives. It is a tool for self-expansion. And when we are in good shape, we position ourselves to contribute more fully to our families, friends, careers, communities, and the world.

Mary Mantei is a certified Life/Effectiveness Coach and sole proprietor of Superior Coaching Unlimited. She also provides pro bono coaching to One-to-One Women Coaching Women, a non-profit organization providing life coaching for women in transition. Mary is collaborating with Region 13 Educational Service Center, Austin TX, developing “Coaching for School Leaders . . . Developing the Brilliance Within,” a coach training program designed to assist leaders in the world of education to create organizations and schools where critical conversations and actions shape cultures of learning, achievement and personal success for all. mmantei@jamadots.com