Hear from OTO Coaches

Inquiries from the October OTO Conference Call

October 20, 2009

Each month OTO holds a training call for its Coaches. This is a opportunity for the coaches both to keep their skills fresh and create community. The October Call was entitled: Preparing Your Client to be Coached. Each call starts with an inquiry, a question that opens the conversation and sets the tone for the training session. Below you'll find some of our Coaches answers to this month's Inquiry.

What do I believe is essential for a client to know or understand as she begins the coaching experience in order for her to receive the most benefit from the relationship?

Marti – It is essential for the client to know that it is her agenda every call.

Leila – This is not a place for her to get led, but for her to be in constant question of “what do I want”. And that I am there to help facilitate that process but not answer that question.

Holly – To know there isn’t anything they can say that is wrong

Susan – All the same AND I really let the client know that they are the expert on themselves.

Debbie – They can always to authentic and true to themselves.

Vickie – Echo AND It is important for my client to know that it is a safe space for them

Sally – Client needs to know that her agenda come out of her dreams, and hope, and vision.

Kay – Building on the idea that agenda comes from the client, I want the client to know that the agenda for the content comes from them and that my agenda is about calling forth their highest self.

Lee – The most essential thing for the client to know is that I show up for the calls knowing that she is brilliant, loving, capable, and that she doesn’t need to be fixed.

Laura – I want the client to understand that I don’t have any magic beans (sometimes they think that they do) and that this is a process. In the process we are going to uncover that if there are any magic beans, that she has them in herself.

Penny – I want the client to know that This time is held as a sacred space for her and that protecting it is very important to me and to her. Because I want to give her my undivided attention and have her undivided attention for an hour so she can explore herself.

Susie – I really work on giving her, my client, whatever she wants as best as I am able to. So, encourage her to really ask for what she wants during our sessions.

Terry – I want the client to know that it’s a safe place for her to explore her own wisdom.

About: Mission, process, successes...

Our Mission

One To One Women Coaching Women is a 501(C)(3) non-profit organization dedicated to assisting women to achieve sustained success by creating positive changes in their lives. We target our services to eligible women by providing a safe and affirming coaching relationship in which individual dreams and desires can be translated into practical, realistic, and actionable life plans.

Our Clientele

We serve women in transition from challenging social and/or economic backgrounds or situations across the US and Canada. These women may have participated in transitional programs where they received skills training and assistance in meeting basic needs. Women in transition often find themselves overwhelmed with the obligations, choices, and responsibilities they face. The presence of an additional supportive relationship makes it easier for them to move forward in their lives in a successful manner.

Our Process

Our clients are paired with a professional Life Coach for 26 weekly sessions over a 6 to 7 month period. The sessions are conducted over the telephone for a minimum of 30 minutes per call. Our coaches provide life coaching to assist the clients in discovering what they want in all areas of their lives. Clients learn through these partnerships that they can access support networks while also relying on their own decision-making skills. The Life Coaches listen without judgment and to provide feedback and support, while staying committed to the client’s own agenda.

Our Successes

Our clients report that by being treated as an expert on their own lives and developing additional problem-solving skills, they are able to make decisions that positively impact their lives. They also create a working “life plan” that helps them be proactive and focused when making choices and decisions in their daily lives.

í “Life coaching helped me to believe in myself and to step out a bit more than I was used to in order to lay a foundation for the next part of my life.”

í ”She is the ultimate mentor, cheerleader and supporter. This is an awesome experience. To call it life-changing is an understatement.”

í “She is the Hope Fairy. She does not judge, instead keeps telling me that those things that seem so far out of my reach, just seem that way. That I deserve to be safe and happy. That I can have healthy relationships.”

Our Achievements

Since we started coaching in the fall of 2004, we have coached over 100 women and conducted 2 years of monthly Success Strategies calls for our coaches and clients, 2 years of monthly training and community development calls for our coaches. We have received approval to award ICF CCE’s for our monthly Coaches’ Community Calls and the three Annual Coaches’ Professional Development Weekends we have held. The Coaches’ Connection, a monthly e-newsletter for our coaches, provides networking opportunities for our coaching community, along with keeping them informed about One to One programs and services. 2008 found us creating and facilitating a 6 hour workshop series entitled, Life by Design. One to One has created a unique non-profit model that also includes mentoring and peer supervision.

“We believe that once a woman feels empowered and gains confidence in her self, she can be a change agent for her family, her community and the world.”

If you are an interested coach, have a client referral or would like to be a donor, please refer to our website (www.onetoone.info) for more information.

Coaching vs. Therapy

How Life Coaching Differs From Therapy

Life Coaching can be distinguished from therapy in a number of ways. First, coaching is a profession that supports personal and professional growth and development based on individual-initiated change in pursuit of specific actionable outcomes. These outcomes are linked to personal or professional success. Life Coaching is forward moving and future focused. Therapy, on the other hand, deals with healing pain, dysfunction and conflict within an individual or a relationship between two or more individuals. The focus is often on resolving difficulties arising from the past which hamper an individual's emotional functioning in the present, improving overall psychological functioning, and dealing with present life and work circumstances in more emotionally healthy ways. Therapy outcomes often include improved emotional/feeling states. While positive feelings/emotions may be a natural outcome of life coaching, the primary focus is on creating actionable strategies for achieving specific goals in one's work or personal life. The emphases in a life coaching relationship are on action, accountability and follow through.

- International Coach Federation

What is Life Coaching?

The Coaching Corner

- Mary Mantei, OTO Coach

The scenario: You are socializing with a group of people, several of whom you do not know. Inevitably, the standard question is asked, “So, what do you do for a living?” The easiest time in my life to answer this query was when I was teaching middle school students. Most people understand teaching and most are amazed that anyone would choose to teach kids this age, and from all appearances, love it! Which I did. These days, the answer to the same question, elicits everything from strange looks to a high level of interest. With good reason. I now spend my days coaching individuals who have sought the assistance of a life coach, a relatively new career in the wide array of helping professions.

So, for those of you interested in knowing more about life coaching, let me stretch my verbal business card a bit. Coaching is a collaborative, confidential partnership whereby the coach assists the client in figuring out what they want in all areas of their life and works with them to create multiple action plans to achieve those desires. Initially, people often seek a coach around one area of their lives where they feel stuck or challenged and have not been able to move themselves forward. Common examples would be job-related frustrations, desiring improved health and vitality, money management issues, seeking more adventure, fun, or balance in their lives. Many people work with a coach to navigate huge life changes effectively such as creating their own business, moving from being part of a couple to being single, or retirement.

A coach will use a variety of tools and strategies to guide their client to get clear about where they are currently in life and where they want to be. One tool that a skilled coach will use consistently is listening. Listening to you without making assumptions, rather taking you at your word and asking questions to clarify what they might not yet understand. Listening to you without judgment, rather holding the space for you to be your authentic self as a way of seeing a situation for what it is. Listening without giving advice, rather as a way to aid a person to get increasingly clear through feedback around what they want. Given the world we live in, this type of listening is a precious practice and a rare gift. Some folks will say, “Well, I have lots of friends who do that for me,” or “My sisters are always there to listen to what I want.” I say, “Great!” And yet, my experience is that those who know and love us dearly often have an agenda when they listen to us. And that agenda often has something to do with how they view the world or how they would like us to be and is often delivered to us in the form of advice. In a coaching relationship, the agenda belongs to the client. The only agenda item the coach holds is seeing their clients get exactly what THEY want in life.

Once a client is clear about the direction they want to pursue, the coach assists the client in developing multiple action plans to get where they want to go. Adding details to the client’s plans gives them a roadmap to their desired destination. Too often, when we have a goal we want to reach, we rely on one road to get us there. If we get detoured and find ourselves moving away from our goals, discouragement and resignation may stop us from continuing on and achieving what we want. Having multiple ideas to try gives us other options that may work more effectively for us. And your coach is there to support you and celebrate with you throughout the process.

Coaching is not about “fixing” people, rather it is about helping people who are in good shape create an even richer, more wonderful life. Consider the Olympic athlete who seeks out a coach. These athletes appear to us to be as fine-tuned as they come, and yet, they pursue the assistance of a coach to finesse the abilities and assets they currently possess. Similarly, I see my clients as capable, creative, brilliant human beings who desire to create an even higher quality of life. I assist them in using their skills, knowledge, and heart to gain clarity around their desires, generate new ideas for achieving those desires and create multiple action plans to go after those desires.

Most life coaching sessions take place on the phone, allowing people to be coached from anywhere in the world. A typical session lasts 30 – 60 minutes, once or twice a week, usually totaling around four hours per month. At times, clients may meet with their coach face-to-face for half day or full day planning sessions. Sometimes, clients will check-in with a quick email to celebrate any number of things or the coach may email a client with a word of support between calls. It is a flexible process and is determined by the client and coach together.

Dave Ellis, my friend and teacher, asserts that life coaching is “more than a set of techniques, it is a form of relationship that is both confidential and life-changing.” I have both witnessed and experienced how the coaching relationship can move people quickly from problems to solutions, from insights to action, from the status quo to completely new outcomes in their lives. It is a tool for self-expansion. And when we are in good shape, we position ourselves to contribute more fully to our families, friends, careers, communities, and the world.

Mary Mantei is a certified Life/Effectiveness Coach and sole proprietor of Superior Coaching Unlimited. She also provides pro bono coaching to One-to-One Women Coaching Women, a non-profit organization providing life coaching for women in transition. Mary is collaborating with Region 13 Educational Service Center, Austin TX, developing “Coaching for School Leaders . . . Developing the Brilliance Within,” a coach training program designed to assist leaders in the world of education to create organizations and schools where critical conversations and actions shape cultures of learning, achievement and personal success for all. mmantei@jamadots.com